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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day