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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
If you are having anxiety over something you`ve said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.