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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”