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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.