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never be afraid to wipe twice
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.