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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.