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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.