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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.