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*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work