Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.