Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.