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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
At least a stalker is there for you.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.