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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!