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I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards