Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
Question everything...Or should you?