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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.