Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn`t do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.
It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.