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I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.