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They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.