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common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?