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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
I like people... From a distance.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.