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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
?-- that guy is cute ?
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.