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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.