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Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-