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I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."