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Some days are just not meant to be productive.
Honk if you are reading this.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
I really just need a vodka cranberry and a slap on the a$$. Hold the cranberry.
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night