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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.