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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. Iām starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards