Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.