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A wise man once said nothing.
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.