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Which wine goes best with more wine?
You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail