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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
I laugh in the face of normal.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.