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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis