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How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
Care less and you’ll stress less.
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.