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The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.