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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you