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Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
I need a partner in wine.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?