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Never trust a skinny chef
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?