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If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.