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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.