Daily Silly Status

Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.

When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.

Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at

You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking

I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.

Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.

likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.

I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."

You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.

My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately

I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.

Not only am I a master of suspense, but I

I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.

Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...

I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.