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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?