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I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you`ll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
I checked my calendar, and I won`t give a f*ck tomorrow either.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.