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You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.