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Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”