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real eyes realize real lies
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
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