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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.