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I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!