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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox. I was in my car self pleasuring. I accidentally honked like 8 times.
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”