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You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.