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ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
How does one get a nice body without moving?
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.